Shame

Shame. A word used derogatorily to imply embarrassing or distasteful in act. We all have it. We have it for our weaknesses, our shortfalls, our uniqueness, our nature and anything that makes us stand out. 

Many times when we experience aggression of any kind, we immediately, almost instinctively, become defensive. The finger pointed at us is the finger that is with judgment. The other is the enemy and we the victims. In such moments, rarely do we find reason in argument. We raise our voices and quickly speak even when unprepared for debate. The argument or disagreement immediately looses meaning and turns to a fight. 

Commonly, people say every relationship has to have fights. Fights to them mean disagreement. To some, fights can be violent or even offensive. This is allowed apparently. It is permitted that couples or siblings or coworkers can offend each other for "character development" in the name of disagreement. 

I have been an alien many times in the spaces I've taken and this is something I have grown accustomed to. The reason I've been different is because I am mostly a dreamer. I live very much in a world unknown or unseen. A world of idealism. I believe that conflict is unnecessary and kindness is paramount but the reality is contrary and this gets me into many debates most of the time. The reason I digress to speak on my separation is because I do not believe in negative methods of dealing with things or people. This is not as the real world is and for this reason I falter in opinion against many others who may or may not be my peers. 

For example, we all are aware that there's climate change going on and some may or may not know what this means for the world we live in. However, most people especially here in Africa where I reside, are oblivious or indifferent to the crisis at hand. The reason being, nothing can be perfect. To them, as long as they have a shelter over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their backs, they are well. I know for a fact that on my own, I cannot change a whole planet in how things are done but what measure can I take that can transform it? By looking in the mirror. 

Taking responsibility for my actions is the first and most important step and this applies to anything. When you, my dear reader, are in contention with anyone, the first and most important step to take is to look in the mirror, this of course is metaphorically speaking. Pointing fingers doesn't really bring solution to any pickle. 

The basic level of humanity is relationship. The reason for any conflict stems from some form of shame. And shame is a fear of exposure of reality or a fear of vulnerability. The shame that we all bare is what makes simple disagreement, aggressive. It is the shame that the truth has been spoken or exposed. The best way to fight shame is to face it. Stare at it long enough and it then becomes a normality and not an abnormality. 

Also am a pacifist. What do I know? Live your life and Carpe diem!